We’ve all had them. That one flight where everything is running smoothly—except for the attitude in the other seat. Maybe it’s the captain with a short fuse, barking out checklist items like it’s basic training. Or maybe it’s the first officer who mutters passive-aggressive comments under their breath between check-ins with ATC. Either way, you’re not just flying an airplane—you’re navigating a personality thunderstorm at FL350.
Flying is, by nature, a high-stress environment. Add a bad mood to the mix, and things can get turbulent fast—and I’m not talking about the weather. Whether you’re the captain or the first officer, being paired with someone grumpy can turn a long day into an exhausting one if not handled well.
The Captain/FO Dynamic
The cockpit isn’t a democracy—but it’s also not a dictatorship. The balance between authority and collaboration is delicate, and emotional tone can tip the scale either way.
When the Captain is Grumpy: You might feel pressure to “just deal with it.” After all, they hold the final authority. But a grumpy captain doesn’t give license to create an uncomfortable work environment. Respect the role, but don’t shrink yourself in the process.
When the FO is Grumpy: As captain, you set the tone. If your right-seater is clearly off, acknowledge it without taking it personally. Their mood may have nothing to do with you, but your leadership will shape how the day goes—for both of you.
Choosing Compassion Over Combat
There’s usually a reason behind the mood. Fatigue, stress at home, health issues, burnout—pilots are human, too. While you’re not there to be their therapist, approaching the situation with curiosity instead of judgment can make all the difference. A simple “Rough day?” can be disarming. Even if they don’t open up, it sends the message that you’re not looking to escalate the tension.
Being professional doesn’t mean being robotic. Compassion and kindness are professional traits—especially in high-performance environments. And showing them doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re strong enough to fly the aircraft and lead the tone in the cockpit.
Five Ways to De-Escalate Conflict in the Cockpit
1. Lead with Curiosity, Not Accusation – A calm “Everything okay today?” is better than matching snark with snark.
2. Stick to Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs) – Clarity and structure are your friends when moods run high. Let the SOPs carry the conversation.
3. Manage Your Own Stress Response – Deep breaths, check your tone, and don’t let their mood hijack yours.
4. Use Humor Carefully – A light comment can reset the mood—if it’s genuinely kind. Sarcasm? Not helpful.
5. Debrief (if safe and appropriate) – Post-flight, if it’s warranted, say something like: “Hey, I noticed today was a bit off—just wanted to check in.” Small conversations build better teams.
